Waterbed

Man recovers wallet

A man lost his wallet over 30 years ago and the instruction returned it to him.

The man lost his wallet while he was a student at Santa Clara University in 1975. The wallet has been sitting in a wall at the student center for 33 years. Construction crews found it recently while renovating the student union. The man doesn’t even remember losing it.

Funny nuns

Avid golfer

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.” With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

Running mob

Lonely Japanese man

A lonely Japanese man has been arrested for calling directory assistance thousands of times.

The man is single and unemployed. He made 2600 calls to directory help between June and November. He reportedly would whisper “darling” as he tried to start a conversation and then pleaded with operators not to hang up. The man was arrested. He reportedly told police that he was lonely and grew to enjoy annoying the operators. His calls usually came late and sometimes exceeded 200 times a night.

Mouse for women

Strands of white hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Japanese human art

Teenage slang

A schoolgirl has written a guide to teenage slang after her parents complained they couldn’t understand her.

The girl said: “I hope the book clears up confusion. Some parents don’t give teenagers enough credit for some of the words they use. More come up every day and a lot are very creative.” Her guide includes 300 teen words such as “antwacky” (unstylish), “cotch down” (sleep), “rago” (OK) and “zip” (yob). It also includes her three golden teen talk rules: never make eye contact when talking to a “mouldie” (parent); always mumble inaudibly; try to include “like” in every sentence.